A Grey Pensive Morning - Journal Day-12
I woke up to a strange morning - my pensive thoughts - I am a work perpetually in progress.
06-01-2025 - Early Morning
I woke up in the morning to a strange sky. It seemed whitewashed in greyish-white translucent mist. Just beyond my window, it was as if a peculiar alien spaceship was blowing its exhaust and trying to block my view.
The familiar scenes beyond my window, which I witness every morning, seem to be from an unknown world. Just a few paces outside my window, the branches of the tall pipal tree are slowly swinging in the cold breeze. The grey mist has blurred my vision, and it seems an aged giant, shrouded in a white flowing garment, waving at me, calling me to be with him. Cold, outstretched fingers of the grey mist touching my window pane, blurring my view, trying to take me away to a strange world.
The Sun has betrayed us today. He is conspiring with the mist and has chosen to be absent from the sky.
There is a strange stillness around me as I look out my window.
I can see only the vague outline of the familiar buildings beyond my window. Occasionally, a man passes by with his head down and shoulders hunched forward, trying to keep warm from the cold and wet touch of the mist.
Morning birds are silent today except for a few crows, establishing their presence with shrill calls. A cat that gave birth to a litter a few days back is lying listlessly on my garage roof and feeding her kittens.
Though the Sun was still absent, I could see the surroundings getting brighter as time passed. Despite the mist, I can see the morning slowly waking up to the day.
The inertia of human existence is slowly taking hold on this misty morning, as I can feel human activities intensify.
Is nature trying to say something to me?
From the primordial soup, since nature gave birth to life, life has a way of making its presence felt despite the climate or weather. No matter what the surroundings are, good or bad, extreme or moderate, life will steer its head up.
It is a message that no matter where one is, things will always change for the better or worse. Only time will tell if the change is for the better or the worse. One must have the patience to ride out the bad phase of life and the humility to accept the good phase.
It is no wonder that patience and humility are two of the most important virtues for a fulfilling life.
06-01-2025 - Late Evening
Am I fooling myself? Sometimes I wonder.
When the reality is vastly different from what one dreamt of or what one wanted, what does one do? Does one sink into the never-ending spiral of gloomy wretchedness, or does one keep doing what one thinks is the best in the situation and hope for the best? Does one hope that the belief that life goes on in a never-ending circle, that what goes down must also come up, is true?
They say the action is vital to sustaining life, success, and livelihood. But what kinds of action are they talking about? Does any random action change the situation for the better? How does one know the action one is doing is the right action?
There is an often-quoted statement that if one keeps doing the same action and expects a different result, it is a sure sign of insanity. Hence, the premise is that if one wants to have a different result from a given situation in life, the action must change accordingly.
But what kinds of different actions does one undertake? Is not taking an action also an action? How much does fate have a say in it?
I remember a story from the life of Swami Vivekananda, the Indian monk and philosopher, during his visit to the Parliament of World's Religion in Chicago in 1893, where he visited to give a speech that made history.
When he arrived in Chicago, he found, to his shock, that the Parliament of Religion's authority required the delegates to produce credentials to participate, of which he had none. He also found he was too late to register as a delegate, even if he had had credentials. Thus, his hope of participating and speaking in the Parliament of Religion was gone.
With no chance of participation in the Parliament of Religion, he did not want to stay in Chicago, as it was an expensive place for a man of limited means. He decided to go to Boston.
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On his train journey to Boston, he met an old lady who introduced him to Professor John Henry Wright. Professor Wright was a professor at Harvard University and instantly recognised Swamiji's genius. He gave him all the necessary references and introduction to the proper authorities so that Swamiji could attend the Parliament of Religion. He also paid for Swamiji's train journey back to Chicago.
He arrived in Chicago, but this time, despite having the correct credentials, he was surprised and anguished to find he had lost the address to the Parliament's house and the addresses of the organisers for whom he was carrying the credentials. He could not find the gentleman he met during the train journey who promised to give directions to the Parliament house after arrival.
Despite his best efforts, he failed to find the Parliament-house. He became tired and hungry. He did not have a place to stay the night. He had no other option but to spend the night in a railway wagon.
The next morning, the day before the Parliament of Religion was about to start, he set out. He was weary and hungry, but he plodded through the street. He knocked on a few doors to beg for food and ask for directions. No one sympathised with a strange-looking monk in ruffled clothes and a travel-worn appearance. People slammed doors in his face.
He knew no one, and no one knew him. He did all he could do, but no one helped him. Finally, he became very dejected and frustrated. It seemed to him that all his efforts had come to nought. He was exhausted, weary, and hungry.
He thought that if it was providence that he should participate in and talk at the Parliament of Religion, then why be upset if he failed? It was not his responsibility. He was just a means through which destiny was seeking fulfilment. He did his best and left no stone unturned. Yet, if he failed, it must be his destiny. It must be God's will. Let God's will play its role.
With this thought in mind, he sat down at the curb of Dearborn Street. He meditated, awaiting a sign for his next step.
As he was meditating, the front door of the house opposite where he was sitting opened and a dignified, well-dressed lady came out. She was Mrs George W Hale, who became curious seeing an odd-looking monk sitting thus. She went up to him and enquired if she could help him. Swamiji told her why he was in America and his predicament. With the help of Mrs Hale, Swamiji could attend the Parliament of Religion.
The rest is history.
Now, let me return to the questions against which I narrated the story: "But what kinds of different actions does one undertake? Is not taking an action also an action? How much does fate have a say in it?"
Swamiji left no stone unturned to be at the Parliament of Religion, yet he failed consistently. As a believer, it was easy for him to leave it to providence, to surrender.
But what about ordinary folks like us, who are perpetually vacillating between being a fatalist and a proponent of free will?
The story is an example of human limitations. There are situations in every human life when all actions become futile. No matter what one does, it never yields the expected results. That is the time to let go. That is the time to accept that there may be more in life than meets the eye.
The question is not about being a believer. It is about having the wisdom to know when to let go and when to hold on to.
I am yet to attend that wisdom. I am still a work in progress.
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